Red Mist: Dear Johnny...

Strange as it may seem, unbeknownst to both back then, two of us here at GRANDPRIX247 were at the same army base at the same time back in the late ’70s. Conscripted, we fought a war we wanted nothing to do with, but we had no option.

And back then, there was one thing we feared more than the prospect of perishing at the front or in a local jail for refusing to do 'national duty'. When we were young, brainwashed and stupid as we were then, we did what we did to exist.

In the army at the time, a “Dear Johnny” was the last letter you got from your girlfriend. The one where she fired you. So there you were, stuck at base or on the front, knowing your now ex-chick was screwing someone else back home, and there was bugger all you could do about it. The worst thing in the world, I tell you.

I suppose it happens by WhatsApp these days. Even worse, by public broadcast. Which means alleged substandard Ferrari blabbermouths Lewis Hamilton and Charles Leclerc must feel just like bulleted troops on the border right now, following boss John Elkann’s flatulent outburst over the weekend.

Scion of the Agnelli fortune, Elkann is chairman of Ferrari and holds a controlling stake in the Scuderia. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Chairman and CEO of the Agnelli family controlled Exor NV, Johnny is also chairman of Stellantis NV and board member, trustee, or similar of, among others, The Economist Group, the JP Morgan International Council, the Allianz International Advisory Board, and Meta Platforms Inc.

All is not well in the Agnelli world, however. Johnny’s Stellantis, a misfit of Fiat, Peugeot, Citroën, Opel and Vauxhall, Chrysler, Dodge and Jeep, plus Alfa Romeo, Maserati, Abarth, and Lancia, is in all kinds of trouble. It haemorrhaged 2.7 billion dollars last year on blind belief in failing EVs, along with generally neglected and ineffective, albeit historically significant, brands. Some analysts even predict that Stellantis will soon fold.

The dynasty is also divided. Most recently accused of tax evasion approaching a billion dollars around mum Margherita contesting late nonna Marella Caracciolo’s 2019 will, Johnny, black sheep brother Lapo, and sister Ginevra must pay a 215 million dollar penalty to Italian tax authorities in order to dodge criminal prosecution. Johnny also picked up a year of community service for his part in that fiasco.

Speaking in Italian on his return from celebrating Ferrari’s domination of this year’s World Endurance Championship, more on that next week, unfortunately this shit came up, Johnny said: “If we look at this Formula 1 season, our mechanics are putting in a championship winning performance with our pit stops and everything else. Looking at our engineers, the car has undoubtedly improved.”

Elkann went on: “If we look at the rest, it’s not up to standard. Our drivers must focus more and talk less, because we still have important races to come and finishing second in the constructors isn’t impossible.” Of course, some may argue that the message was garbled in translation, but it sounds even worse in Italian.

Leclerc reacted: “A difficult weekend with nearly no points at a critical moment in our fight for the constructors’ second. It’s uphill from now and only unity can help us turn it around. We’ll give it all, as always.”

Fresh off his Sao Paulo nightmare, Hamilton added: “It’s gutting, especially after some good progress, but we move on. I back my team. I back myself. I will not give up. Not now, not then, not ever.”

I’m not sure which Formula 1 you are watching, but it seems quite different from what the rest of us see. Sure, we’re with you on the engineers. The team has a lot to be proud of, considering what it’s achieved. But the car? And the drivers? Really? Your bucket of bolts SF-25 may not be the only car that’s blowing hot and cold this season, but yours blows hot far less than your rivals, no matter what your “great” team or “substandard” drivers throw at it.

Moving on to the drivers. What a wonderful morale boost. That’s right, kick them in the balls. Twenty races of driving that junk, no driver under the sun would still be smiling, or blowing smoke about it. But let’s blame Charles and Lewis. Let me tell you something, you don’t deserve them. As much as they don’t deserve you. As much as Sebastian Vettel, Kimi Raikkonen, and the others didn’t under your tenure either.

Never mind Maurizio Arrivabene, Mattia Binotto, Fred Vasseur, and all the other brilliant management and tech people who suffered the mangle of your revolving door and failed to meet your impeccable standards. Yeah, maybe we won fifteen races of the 160 in the eight years since you’ve been in charge. But then we never won a single race in three of those seasons. And we’re still waiting for that World Championship you keep promising us.

So, no signore Johnny Elkann, you cannot blame Lewis. You can’t blame Charles. Or any of the others. In fact, there’s just one common thread through this whole casino. Take a very good look at yourself next time you look into a mirror, because that’s where you’ll find Scuderia Ferrari’s real problem. Sort him out, and the rest will fall into place.

Ciao! Red Mist