Around about now we would have the results of FP1 from this weekend’s (not happening) Emilia Romagna Grand Prix, but the Motorsport Department at Fate, Luck & Karma decided otherwise. Here is why Imola won’t happen.
[Note: In no way is this intended satirical piece a show of disrespect for everyone in F1, at Imola, at Emilia Romagna or Italy. Our GrandPrix247 team send our best wishes and prayers to everyone affected by this natural tragedy and our thoughts are with the families of the victims, who you can help with your donations by visiting the official website here.
It’s simply a parody of Liberty Media’s greed as F1 booms]
On Monday, 15 May 2023, during their regular Monday meeting at their headquarters beyond the skies Fate, Luck & Karma were faced with “Formula 1” on their busy Agenda; and here’s the ‘transcript’ of their discussion that didn’t happen.
FATE: On the Agenda, is the matter of Formula 1 and what I am reporting as greed, a classic case of giving a hand and they take your arm.
LUCK: Not those F1 guys again!
KARMA: You gave them a hard time over the years…
FATE: Moving on. Some background. You recall how I decreed about a decade ago that Bernie Ecclestone’s time of milking F1 dry needed to end. And we found the only guys who wanted to buy the sport at the time, no corporation, or consortium in the Middle East, Asia or Europe deemed it buyable. Liberty Media of Atlanta Braves fame bravely stepped up with the money and they got it.
LUCK: Yes boss. I recall how soon thereafter when it appeared they were lost at sea, with their newly acquired F1 project, you asked for a sprinkling of Good-Luck and Good-Karma. So our Department gave them Drive to Survive through our mates at Netflix, and Karma did her thing.
FATE: Exactly. And now F1 is booming and as a result they are getting very greedy. You know, 18 or 20 races are enough in this era. Back when it was 16 races, Grand Prix events had a great aura about them, because they were scarce, they were special, very special in a Grand Slam, World Cup kind of way. Now that they have what they want in terms of audience, they are doing the Ecclestone thing, milking it as dry as they can.
KARMA: Yes sir. The 23 Grand Prix weekends this year are draining the resources of F1 teams, stressing out families whose F1 relatives are never seen, and it costs a fortune in terms of carbon footprint and all that worldly stuff. And also within our own KARMA Department, here Beyond the Skies, it means a great deal of extra resources from our side.
LUCK: Agree with Karma, this is certainly stressing our involvement. It will be worse now, than at our very worst. Remember when we had to constantly fling in heaps of good luck at poor Nicolas Latifi and Mick Schumacher (and even Charles Leclerc this year) to stop them from getting hurt or more…
And now they going to friggin’ Las Vegas! You know how busy we are there normally. With them coming, it’s gonna be double shifts for my Good-Luck, Bad-Luck and No-Luck teams.
Man, it makes me remember when we almost ran out of good luck supplies. Romain Grosjean at the Bahrain night race! That drained our supply of good luck. However, as it stands we have boxes full of Bad-Luck to fling around the F1 World. I also recall…
FATE: Okay, okay. enough, I know the payback list is long. Let’s not forget Grosjean got help from MIRACLE, and he is not around often, since much of His work was done 2000 years ago before TV. But He was around when we needed Him that evening in Bahrain.
Returning to the current situation of too many F1 races, we need a plan. We need to act this week, immediately if possible to send a message to F1 chief Stefano [Domeniali, and the Liberty people.
So LUCK, over to you, make a plan.
LUCK: I already have a plan boss. Simple, we will make the Autodromo Internazionale Enzo e Dino Ferrari unraceable, and unreachable. We achieve this by flinging some bad luck that way (we have stacks as I mentioned) this time, in the form of rain and floods. Liberty Media, FOM and FIA will have no option but to cancel the race and maybe get the message.
KARMA: That works from me-being-a-Bitch perspective and ticks enough boxes to justify cancelling Imola, karmically. First, it sends a message that greed is not good, and they have been very greedy and plan to be more so! Yes, I am hearing 25 maybe 26 F1 races at some point. Again milking the sport Bernie-style. So yep they deserve this from me. Too much is not too good.
FATE: Excellent. That’s taken care of. Next on the Motorsport Department of FLK agenda is, Ferrari…
LUCK: Not them again! Okay, boss. For Ferrari, we will see what we can do at Monaco… but first let me sort out the floods at Imola until they pull the plug.
And there you have it: [NOT] the reason the Emilia Romagna Grand Prix being cancelled by Fate, Luck & Karma and F1’s insatiable greed.