Agnelli family pariah Lapo Elkann may just be the tonic our ailing Ferrari so desperately needs to revive their Formula 1 fortunes.
Interesting guy, Lapo Elkann. Unlike preppy brother John, under whose manicured tenure over our beloved Scuderia Ferrari is quite literally going down the drain, the black sheep couldn’t care about protocol, or watching his mouth, or whatever the hell anyone else says or thinks. It’s probably exactly what we need right now, never mind…
Look, the 45-year-old great-grandson of Fiat founder Giovanni, and grandson of Gianni Agnelli is no angel, as his mum’s maiden name may otherwise suggest. Lapo was once found comatose, naked in transsexual prostitute Patrizia’s apartment. He took a few days to come to in hospital, before the polizia investigated him on cocaine, soliciting and prostitution.
Paparazzi Fabrizio Corona later tried to blackmail the family on some other Lapo dirt. The Agnellis ‘negotiated’ their way out of that one. Lapo was at it again a decade later in another Big Apple scandal involving transsexuals and ransom, and a whole lot of other nonsense you’d expect in an episode of Chicago PD.
Lapo is no saint
He was also arrested for possession of coke, and for speeding in his Ferrari. Lapo likes to wear a bright Ferrari red suit. Let’s just say he’s committed. Which is why he’s the black sheep, and why preppy boy elder brother John is Chairman of the board at Fiat, Ferrari, and the legendary Juventus football club. To be blunt, stuffed our Scuderia up in royal style.
John of course fired Mattia Binotto at the worst possible time late last year, ushered poor Vasseur in to try to pick up the pieces. Fred couldn’t. Three races into 2023, the lads have scored 23 points, versus 104 this time last year. Pathetic? You bet!
There’s been a huge reshuffle at Maranello since. Now they’re even saying that blue-eyed boy Leclerc is sniffing around at Mercedes, but there are other great drivers out there. No matter, the blood is still on John Elkann’s hands. Look back at this column over the recent past or so and you’ll notice that Red Mist has been calling him out for a while.
Ferrari pathetic? You bet!
We put it at his door when Binotto cocked it up. Asked where he was? Why he was never at the races? We won’t even mention accomplice Benedetto Vinga. Don’t even think he can spell racecar; would rather launch a Ferrari truck. Poor Enzo! Anyway, back to Johnny boy, his reprehensible handling of Binottogate was epitomized by the woeful timing of Mattia’s exit.
He was once fully entrenched in Maranello, so Binotto’s extraction has caused Machiavellian revolt on Via Abetone Inferiore since, which is part of the reason why old Fred is apparently so hamstrung these days, because he is by good old Italian office politics. And believe me, you don’t want to go there.
Now, despite the lingering support he enjoys among his ex-peers, there was very good reason why Binotto was sacked. He couldn’t run a piss-up in a brewery, stuffed Ferrari’s best shot at an F1 Title in decades up right royally, by mismanagement, pathetic communication, and cronyism to the nth degree. All under John Elkann’s watch.
Lapo has a pair
Then someone must have got John by the ear. That ill-timed knee-jerk is why we are sitting where we are today, on less than a quarter of the points we scored this time last year. Yes of course, the SF-23 is a crock of crap albeit likely a result of that off season tumult anyway. So blame John, Vinga and Mattia for that too.
So what to do? Well, preppy boy John’s total lack of colleone is probably the biggest part of the problem. He has none. No balls. Lapo, on the other hand, clearly has a pair. Which is also obviously why he is suddenly in the frame. Kind of a Flavio Briatore with royal Fiat blood.
Lapo has not shied away
Now just as it happens, Lapo has not shied away from the 2023 Scuderia Ferrari shit show. “Ferrari needs passion, seriousness, and a winning team, in the pits and outside,” he tweeted. “It’s time for us to wake up, enough with politics and games. We will never win!”
Which begs the question, is Lapo Elkann vying for a job at Scuderia Ferrari? If so, would he be capable? Ferrari of course has nothing to lose, so if it doesn’t work, they can just blame it on Lapo. So, Lapo wouldn’t be bad for Scuderia Ferrari. No sir, he’d be bloody well awesome for our team!
Considering how useless his preppy boy brother is, the black sheep may just be the silver bullet the House of Red needs. Unconventional to say the least, Lapo also has a hell of a lot to prove out of under the shadow of his brother.
Come on Ferrari. Show some real balls for once. Throw those bones. Give Lapo Elkann a shot!