Red Bull mocks reports claiming that Vettel had ‘a massive hissy fit in Jerez’ 28 February, 2014 It is well known that Red Bull endured a torrid time at the first Formula 1 pre-season test at Jerez late last month, with the Adrian Newey penned RB10 doing very little running in Spain. As a result Sebastian Vettel’s stint on day two was severely curtailed – he did eight laps in total before the team decided to call it a day. Vettel then immediately left the circuit and flew home. Since then speculation has been rife that Vettel was not happy with what he encountered on the first two days of the pre-season testing, and now a TV station has gone so far as to report that he threw a tantrum. As a result of this report, Red Bull have gone on the offensive by posting a sarcastic response to the allegations of disruptions and heated discontent within their camp, penned by ‘the Red Bull Spy': (Inspired perhaps by Ferrari’s Horse Whisperer?) “We do, however, get the opportunity to make our own entertainment, one avenue to which is reading some of the more lurid speculation that’s flying around. Our favourite today is the one about Seb apparently having a massive hissy fit in Jerez, refusing to drive the car because it wasn’t very good, and storming off in a huff.” “A major news broadcaster posted the story this morning, along with the line: No-one outside the team knows whether it happened or not, and those on the inside wouldn’t say.” Eh? Run that by me again? “I suppose it could be true. Maybe four world championships really have turned him into a screaming primadonna. Perhaps what really happened is Seb leapt out of the car and started foaming at the mouth. He made a very rude gesture in the direction of Adrian, snarled at Rocky, kicked Ole in the spanners and then stormed out of the garage, saddled his unicorn and rode back to Switzerland.” “Meanwhile Adrian’s lost his copy of the Illustrated Junior Encyclopaedia of Motorsport and says he can’t design without it. Daniel’s sulking is really starting to get everyone down, Dr Marko has decided to return to his roots and become a dubstep producer under his street name DJ Graz and, after his New York residency last summer, Christian’s far more interested in street art than F1 anyway.” “Seb, meanwhile has sent us a postcard, and says he’s really sorry for all the fuss. He’ll be back soon but has decided to chill for a while by spending a couple of weeks watching daytime soaps and eating crisps ’round at Mark’s house.” “Maybe that’s what happening. It’s certainly a rumour. No one outside the team knows for sure and those inside won’t say…” ‘The Spy’ also alluded to the team’s dismal pre-season testing fortunes: “It won’t have escaped your notice that this hasn’t been our smoothest winter. The RB10 is a complicated beast and we’ve got a job list the length of the Shanghai back straight to get through. But we’re getting through it.” “Everyone’s doing long hours and we’re all fairly knackered – though actually that’s no different to when the car’s spot-on. The team manager and the chief bolt both firmly believe the Devil makes work for idle hands. Unfortunately the long list of things they consider evidence of idleness includes sleeping and eating regular meals.” Irrespective of what really happened it is quite clear that anger management by the Formula 1 world champions is a high priority as the situation is understandably explosive. So much so that Helmut Marko told Bild that Vettel is “not amused that Red Bull is so far behind” with just four days of track running to go until Melbourne. “But getting angry won’t bring us anything. Sebastian is always informed of any developments,” added the Austrian. (GP247) Subbed by AJN.