Red Bull mocks reports claiming that Vettel had ‘a massive hissy fit in Jerez’

F1 Testing in Jerez - Day One

It is well known that Red Bull endured a torrid time at the first Formula 1 pre-season test at Jerez late last month, with the Adrian Newey penned RB10 doing very little running in Spain. As a result Sebastian Vettel’s stint on day two was severely curtailed – he did eight laps in total before the team decided to call it a day.

Vettel then immediately left the circuit and flew home. Since then speculation has been rife that Vettel was not happy with what he encountered on the first two days of the pre-season testing, and now a TV station has gone so far as to report that he threw a tantrum.

As a result of this report, Red Bull have gone on the offensive by posting a sarcastic response to the allegations of disruptions and heated discontent within their camp, penned by ‘the Red Bull Spy’: (Inspired perhaps by Ferrari’s Horse Whisperer?)

F1 Testing in Jerez - Day One

“We do, however, get the opportunity to make our own entertainment, one avenue to which is reading some of the more lurid speculation that’s flying around. Our favourite today is the one about Seb apparently having a massive hissy fit in Jerez, refusing to drive the car because it wasn’t very good, and storming off in a huff.”

“A major news broadcaster posted the story this morning, along with the line: No-one outside the team knows whether it happened or not, and those on the inside wouldn’t say.”

Eh? Run that by me again?

“I suppose it could be true. Maybe four world championships really have turned him into a screaming primadonna. Perhaps what really happened is Seb leapt out of the car and started foaming at the mouth. He made a very rude gesture in the direction of Adrian, snarled at Rocky, kicked Ole in the spanners and then stormed out of the garage, saddled his unicorn and rode back to Switzerland.”

Jerez Test Sebastian Vettel

“Meanwhile Adrian’s lost his copy of the Illustrated Junior Encyclopaedia of Motorsport and says he can’t design without it. Daniel’s sulking is really starting to get everyone down, Dr Marko has decided to return to his roots and become a dubstep producer under his street name DJ Graz and, after his New York residency last summer, Christian’s far more interested in street art than F1 anyway.”

“Seb, meanwhile has sent us a postcard, and says he’s really sorry for all the fuss. He’ll be back soon but has decided to chill for a while by spending a couple of weeks watching daytime soaps and eating crisps ’round at Mark’s house.”

“Maybe that’s what happening. It’s certainly a rumour. No one outside the team knows for sure and those inside won’t say…”

Formula One Testing, Jerez, Spain, Day One, Tuesday 28 January 2014.

‘The Spy’ also alluded to the team’s dismal pre-season testing fortunes:

“It won’t have escaped your notice that this hasn’t been our smoothest winter. The RB10 is a complicated beast and we’ve got a job list the length of the Shanghai back straight to get through. But we’re getting through it.”

“Everyone’s doing long hours and we’re all fairly knackered – though actually that’s no different to when the car’s spot-on. The team manager and the chief bolt both firmly believe the Devil makes work for idle hands. Unfortunately the long list of things they consider evidence of idleness includes sleeping and eating regular meals.”

Irrespective of what really happened it is quite clear that anger management by the Formula 1 world champions is a high priority as the situation is understandably explosive.

So much so that Helmut Marko told Bild that Vettel is “not amused that Red Bull is so far behind” with just four days of track running to go until Melbourne.

“But getting angry won’t bring us anything. Sebastian is always informed of any developments,” added the Austrian. (GP247)

Subbed by AJN.

  • karlich

    LOL… loved it! This reads more like the old, relaxed, good for a laugh Red Bull of yesteryear. If a bodged season brings back the Monty Pythons in Red Bull, it may well be worth it. Just get back on track for 2015 ;-)

  • RBC

    Pettel is crying already. Thanks to televised in car radio the truth of his screaming and demanding and crying is a well known fact.

  • jimjimmy123

    If you are 9 a 13 year old looks soooo old, so mature. Such a mature 13 year old.

    Same way, if you are 16 a 21 year old child looks soooo old. That’s like these Vettel fans, most are 19 year old boys so 24 looks soooo old and mature. And what happens? The child Vettel throws a hissy fit like a little girl and all the Teeny Bieber fans don’t know what to do, with his cute little finger,

  • karlich

    You do realize that flamers, haters and in general those who find the extra time it requires to say or write anything, alas for any given opportunity they might find, to denounce, belittle, nag about or even worse… are actually those kiddies you so eloquently describe :P

    p.s. am a Red Bull fan since ever, am a Vettel fan since BMW, what’s a Bieber? I am 33 and last but not least, from all Vettel fans to you – we salute you ,|,,, ;-)

  • KING VETTEL

    I’am 41 , & here in lebanon we have a F1 group , most r fans for VETTEL , & the most r more than 30 yo , but u can tell them something , if child u r talking about , smashed u & ur drivers 4 years , & the only thing that they think will stop him , they change everything in the f1 rules to distroy RB car , but they will not see that time , VETTEL & RB will stay in the top ,

  • KevinW

    I’m 56. Old enough to see clearly that social media now gives voice to a group of people generally ignored and kept silent before. While drivers in the past have been criticized by their actions on track in the motor-sport press, Vettel and Red Bull are weathering denigration and attack by a small number of anonymous individuals, who in prior years were dismissed as nut-jobs. Now we have a generation of internet reporters and venues feeding these individuals fictitious stories, unsupported speculation, poor journalistic investigation, and general lack of integrity as a profession, The result is a decline in the quality of information provided, reacted to by those once silenced by responsible media outlets. It’s a fact of modern life in this wonder we call social networking. Enjoy.